situation

alright now stop
i am tired
of you writing about yourself again

all your sorrows
they will follow
you twice around the bend

you've rigged your thoughts
to be the con
of your self-destructing end

all the sweat
from your fears
are being soaked in by your sheets

these bones are made for breaking
i know know you're afraid of making
a small change to the world you've taken
just please don't... give up

calculation
of mutilation
is greater than the sum of your teeth

you drank the bottles
hung them up
to proclaim your insecurities

you claim disorder
to be normal
do you really think you're fooling them?

cross out love
from your list
cause you've never hated anyone more than you hated yourself

these bones are made for breaking
i know you're afraid of making
a small change to the world you've taken
just please don't... give up

this situation's fabricated deep within your flesh
you're anxiously awaiting, constantly debating your death
the days are fading, and you're in the midst of this temptation
i'm sick of your self loathing, your self procrastination

you're frustration,
has you shaking
deep within the core of your chest

slip the pills
to calm nerves
this has become routine

dry the tears
from your cheeks
you've got to be strong

does it make you sick
to know this song
is a crying plea for no one but myself?

these bones are made for breaking
and you know i'm afraid of making
a small change to the world i've taken
just please don't...

my bones are made for breaking
and i know that i'm afraid of making
a small change to the world i've taken
lets hope i don't... give up

unfinished song...

disguises

time is standing still for her
and she's standing completely still
does she know who she's fooling next?

he's still bending backwards
just to find out who she really is
god damn't aren't you tired of searching?

cause she's a simile for something you don't know what it is
cocaine on an addicts lips
she's got these disguises measured to fit

are we who we say we are,
behind our closed doors?
we're lurking through shadows
on our own streets.

new song

your dark brown eyes were the cause of my demise
your pick up lines, you sentiment,
the way you kissed me hard and said

i was the one who changed you world
those drunken nights i can't forget
phone calls love at 4 am, do you...

remember them?
cause they're embedded on my brittle heart
hoping that some day you...

our passion was so divine
sex in my car and yours
the desert, public pools, and stores

i was dancing to your song
and no one could take that from me
they tried but i never wanted to

forget you
cause you are ingrained on my fragile heart
hoping some day you will...

and i hope that you think of me
the way that i still think of you
tell me why we never made it through
cause baby
i hate you

when i hear your fuckin name
all i think is blasphemy
i'm not the type to be belligerent

but you changed me
cause you're tattooed on my stupid heart
hoping some day you will die.

forgive me

wow, it has been a while since i've posted a blog.  i told myself i was gonna try keep up with this one, cause it pwns and people read it... sometimes.  well life... has been good i guess.  started working at the bakery, baking bread daily.  its a good job, its easy, i'm on my feet all the time, and i'm constantly preoccupied which i love.  the only thing is the money isn't enough.  i started to work at target, but its a bullshit job, so i left.  closing was a bitch and i was getting too tired so i decided to quit.  now justin and i might get a job at panera.  i'm pretty much in cause the manager, this chick kristen, thinks i'm cute, so i'm totally in.  i'm gonna have to flirt with her a little bit, but its worth the job haha.  but justin did tell her i'm straight so its all good.  i've been working out again.  i got back from el paso and i gained weight.  i like my eating habits the way they are.  so i'm back to my lean cuisines and cereal bars.  i'm up to 5 miles a day.  its so much easy running in the afternoon once i've had some food and energy in me.  before when i ran in the morning, i would get tired within the 2 mile mark.  now i'm like, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit i'm hogging up the treadmill bitches!  i'm lifting weights too, so i can get buff.  haha not really, i just don't wanna any flabby skin, if i have any.  but my goal is to get down to 130 by then end of the summer.  i have a feeling that its within my reach.  so warped tour 08.  i'm gonna try to make it out to cali cause mcs is gonna be on the last 2.5 weeks of the tour and i really wanna see them.  so far i have no funds.  but if worst comes to worse, i'm gonna sell my 360 to pay for the trip.  we'll see how it goes.  hopefully i can work at panera and then get enough dough for cali.  the boardies are awesome, they've offered to help with money if i need it.  those are friends i tell ya.  well i'm off to nonsense, i have the day off tomorrow.  we'll see where that leads me.

boredom becomes me

i haven't blogged in a year it seems.  i just haven't had the urge to really.  plus there has been nothing interesting in my life right now.  for example: its 1135 pm on a sat night, and i am sitting at my computer, i was previously watching old sex and the city episodes.  yeah!  last night i stayed up till 5 am downloading music.  what's wrong  with me.  i woke up at noon, ate some breakfast.  next thing i knew, i was back asleep and didn't wake up till 3pm.  wow.  amazing.  my throat has been in a bit of pain today.  i have no clue as to why it's like that but it hurts.  no enough to cause me any discomfort, but still a nuisance.  so yeah, jobs have been pretty lame.  my interview for target was moved till tuesday, so i am still unemployed.  if things don't go good with target, i'm probably gonna call a temp agency and have them find something for me.  i dunno, i really don't wanna do call centers anymore, but then again they pay enough.  plus there is a california trip in the making right now.  looks like another boardies trip.  mcs is gonna be doing the last 2.5 weeks of warped, and the last 5 dates are all in california.  so, so far, patrick, christy, denisse, nate and anna are going.  i will more than likely be going, even if it means that i have to sell my xbox 360.  but yeah, am i nuts for doing all this shit for a band?  i think i might, but then again there are 6 other people who are doing the same thing.  plus, i have made some awesome friends with them, so its worth it in the long run.  

wednesday night was fun, hung out with justin.  played some rock band at my place, and then hung out some with mandi and holly.  while in the living room though, i was messing with my electric guitar and my strap gave out, my guitar landed right on my toe.  it's sick bruised and it hurts.  luckily its a little better now.  i can walk normal haha!  oh goodness.  we saw indiana jones later that night.  i thought it was amazing, there are a lot of haters out there.  all i gotz 2 say is fuck u!

blah!  my life is boring.

home sweet home

finally!  i am back in orlando.  it feels so good to be back in the hot sticky humid weather that we call home.  does that even make sense?  i hope so.  today has been kinda unproductive.  i spent the night last night at my bro's cause i was way too lazy to drive home, and plus i wanted to cuddle with tango like the old days.  this morning i woke up and attempted to have some cereal for breakfast, but after i poring the milk, i realized it was expired, april 23.  so i just eat the cereal with my fingers.  i watched american idol from the previous week and also the soup.  i played with tango some and then i followed my brother to the executive airport so he could move jeff's car into the hanger.  after that i came home, talked to holly some and then i was off to buy some groceries.

thanks to my mom, and her awesome gift card, i bought me some lean cuisines, fruit snacks (indiana jones ftw!), carrots, grapes, and some water.  its back to my diet tomorrow.  so i indulged once more and had some qdoba for lunch!  that place is so good.  i got raped up the ass and put some gas in my car.  i rented gta4.  so for its pretty good.  i dunno though i kinda liked the fact that you had to keep the other dude in shape and shit.  but this guy you can dress him but so far i don't have to take him to the gym or i can't change his hair style.  but the graphics are amazing.

i have no idea what i'm doing tonight.  probably gonna just play some guitar, eat and play some more gta4.  tomorrow holds nothing promising.  maybe my bro will call me and we'll do the movies or something. 

farewell el paso

well i have reached the end of my el paso trip, and i have to say it was wonderful.  far more better than the time i came in feb of last year.  i had a great time seeing some of my old, but very best friends.  miquela, monica, erin, amanda, gabby and everyone else, seriously thanks for still being my friends and just making me realize that friendships after all these years can still be pertinent in life.  and that they are.  but i'm not gonna make this all sappy and emotional, lets digress to yesterday.

i got up after my mom had dropped my sister and her friends at school.  my mom got back home and made me a burrito with eggs, cheese and chorizo.  good shit.  we just sat around and watched tv until nancy gave us a call and we met her, azelia, and her son at bennigans.  we had a fantabulous and cheap lunch there.  i was unable to finish my monte cristo.  that shit was huge!  after that i said my farewells to the ahumadas and my mom were off to see joice for my haircut.  its really short.  i'm still not sure if i like it, but like my sister, everyone says i'll grow into it.  we picked my sister up from school and i dropped them off at kohls while i bought a gift card from pei wei for my brother on behalf of my mother.  we went back home.  i was uber tired from the night before and i pretty much passed out on the couch.  i was having some random and bizarre dreams.  i woke up drooling heavily on the pillow and went back to sleep.  michelle said i was breathing really loud through my mouth a couple of times.  i found it rather humorous.  my mom went all out on dinner she made ham, potato salad, chile con queso, pasta and something else i think lol.  my godparents came over from mexico to say bye to me.  they are so good to me.  afterwards my sister and i were bored and started to mess with my hair.  we tried giving me a jp look, i think we were rather successful given the items we had to use.

around 10 pm, i met miquela and chelsea at cincinnati bar to watch miquela's dad's neighbor's band (that was a lot of possessive) play.  they were not too shabby.  i felt like that had a lack of lyrics but they were not bad for their age.  we headed out to club 101, it was packed so we went into the bar next door called ice bar?  some shit like that.  chelsea and miquela filled up on alcohol and i drank my diet coke and pretended to be drunk.  there were these girls from some business, who tried to give me a flyer for a party next week.  i explained to nasty carpet munching teeth girl i'm not from el paso, and she left us a lone for the mean time.  we sat their and mocked their horrible dance moves, and when we sat up to dance like them, they honestly thought we were dancing and they were making us grind with them.  it was so bad.  we left and i picked monica up from her house, we had some taco bell (fast food for the last time for me) and we met the rest of the gang at light bar.  they didn't card any of us, so many was able to drink.  we sat around and talked for a bit and then we were off to whataburger once they kicked us out.  we sat around for about an hour and just talked.  afterwards i said bye to miquela and chelsea.  i dropped monica off at home and said bye to her too.

so now its friday and im sitting at the el paso airport.  my flight has been delayed.  unfortunately my parents couldn't stay for too long because they had to go pick my sister up from school.  i can't stress enough how much fun i had in el paso.  i honestly hope i can be able to come back and visit again in the near future.  thanks to everyone who made my trip such a success and just being awesome.  i love you guys to death.